By Clarice Honeywell, M.S., N.C.S.P.
Licensed School Psychologist
Parenting today can be one of the most challenging and yet fulfilling roles that we will be faced with in our lives. So often, I consult with parents who will humorously say, “ I can find a “how to… manual” in any store, but why wasn’t I provided the “perfect parenting manual” when I left the hospital? Our lives would be so much less stressful if only we had the perfect cookbook for raising children. One of the greatest challenges parents face today is society’s fast-paced lifestyle and the pressures that go along with this.
Nevertheless, the importance of positive parenting skills has been well documented in the child development literature. There is much validity to the notion that parents can empower their children to become well-rounded and successful adults. Research has shown that children benefit from parent involvement in the following ways:
What can I do in 2004 to foster a positive environment for my child?
Discipline is a key tool in every household. We often think of discipline as punishing or spanking, but this is not necessarily so.Your goal in disciplining your child should be to help them choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. Establishing house rules and staying consistent with the consequences of not following them will help children understand your expectations and develop self-control.
· Spend Quality Time with Your Child
Taking the time to spend quality time with your children requires a lot of effort as a result of so many demands. Try to find at least 15 minutes a day to spend alone with your child. You could get up a few minutes early and eat breakfast together or just leave the laundry and dishes after dinner and go take a walk alone for a few minutes to talk about their day.You could also just plan a “special night” with just Mommy or Daddy and let them decide how you will spend your time together. Don't feel guilty if you're a working parent. It is the many little things you do with your child that makes the difference.
· Set an example by becoming a role model
Children often model their parent’s behaviors. You have to be constantly aware that you are being observed by your children. If you are angry and need to vent your anger, keep in mind that your child is often watching how you do this. Therefore, before you lash out or blow your top in front of them, ask yourself this: is this how I want them to behave when they are angry?. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.Model the characteristics and traits you wish to cultivate in your child: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you.
· Make communication a priority.
It’s not realistic to expect your child to do everything you tell them to do simply because you as a parent “say so”. Children need and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If you don’t take the time to explain things fully to your child, then they will wonder about your values and motive and whether they have any basis. It’s okay to reason with your child and allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.Make suggestions and offer choices. Be willing to be open and negotiate with them. Children who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.
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Show that your love is unconditional.
Take responsibility for correcting and guiding your child. When
you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding,
which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to
nurture and encourage even when you are disciplining them. Make sure you
communicate to them that no matter what, you will always love and support them.
Portions of this article were taken from “Nine Steps to Effective Parenting”.