By Doris L. Omdahl, LMHC, RPT-S
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Registered Play Therapist
What is “Pretend Play”?
Pretend or imaginative play involves the make-believe-games that are possible when the child can make objects, people and activities be things that they actually are not. Pretend play is essential to children’s development; it usually starts when children are two, and usually ends when they turn five. This kind of play allows children to learn about roles, relationships, power and control. Children use pretend play to become the person in charge. Pretend play also gives the children the opportunity to work through their feelings.
The child’s pretend play includes a variety of activities. Boys are often superheroes, girls are often mothers or teachers. One very common imaginative play involves “the imaginary friend.”
What is an “Imaginary Friend”?
Imaginary friends are a part of the child’ normal development and can help children deal with the stress and transitions in their lives (divorce, birth of a sibling, moving, illness, death in the family).
The imaginary friend is a constant companion. For some children, it can be a stuffed toy or doll, for others the friend is completely invisible to the rest of the world. Imaginary friends usually have names, and stable personalities; they are spoken to, played with, loved and hated by the children who create them.
Imaginary friends enable children to try out different roles; and to explore issues of control, discipline, and power. They help them understand the concepts of “authority”, “right and wrong”, and “punishment”.
The imaginary friend helps the child build his self-confidence, express his feelings, and practice social skills. Imaginary friends provide companionship, they allow the child to be in charge, and control somebody else, they can help the child deal with fears, anxieties or anger.
Parents should allow the child to play with his imaginary friend. If the child tells the parent about it, the parent should be supportive of it, but should not get too involved or add their own ideas to the story. Parents can play along with the situation presented, but within limits. They should not include the child’s imaginary friend in activities, unless the child says so. If the child asks the parent to play with his imaginary friend, the parent should play, but should allow the child to lead and direct the play. The parent should not allow the child to blame his imaginary friend for things he does himself.
Should you Become Concerned?
In general, an imaginary friend is an indication that children are dealing with the issues that come up when they begin to interact with the world around them. It is a normal and natural aspect of the toddler’s development.
For preschoolers, their pretend play is very real. At that age, the line between reality and fantasy is not very clear, but children will naturally grow into an understanding of their differences. As the child grows older, the real world takes over and by the time he starts school, the imaginary friend usually disappears.
If the child, besides playing with his imaginary friend, also plays with real children, usually there in not a problem; however, if the child consistently chooses the imaginary friend rather than doing things in the real world, this might be an indication that there is a problem. A child who avoids meaningful interactions with other children, and most often prefers to play with his imaginary friend may be experiencing emotional distress.
Most children leave their imaginary friend around the age of five. If after this age the child continues to focus on the imaginary friend, the parents might consider consulting a child therapist to determine if the child has any concerns or anxieties.