Associates in Psychology and Counseling ● 2101 Park Center Drive, Suite 270, Orlando FL 32835 ● 407-523-1213
Is It Time to Get Away?
(Published in Metrowest Lifestyle Magazine, July 2004)
By Mariano Velazquez, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Life is stressful for today’s couples. It doesn’t matter if they have children or not; there are plenty of situations that can create stress. When people are under stress, it can affect their relationships. Without being aware of their behavior, people under stress can react with anger and irritability towards their partner and take their frustrations out on them. It is important, therefore, for a couple to reduce their stress, irritability and frustrations by taking time to be alone with each other, finding some activity that will bring relaxation and pleasure to both.
Couples deal every day with issues that create conflict and differences of opinions. They have to make decisions which can create tension between them. Getting away places the couple in a totally different environment, and there is less need to negotiate and compromise about important issues. When couples take time for one another, they are demonstrating their commitment to pleasure and relaxation which will benefit their emotional well-being. In a relaxed atmosphere a couple will have the tendency to be more open with one another, giving them the opportunity to communicate their most intimate thoughts, thus improving intimacy between them.
It is important to take into consideration what each individual enjoys and which activities bring pleasure. Choosing an activity that both individuals like and enjoy works best. The next best thing to do is to take turns doing an activity each individual enjoys if the other person is not truly committed to that activity. Pleasing your partner and going along will probably ensure that your partner will do the same.
Why is it important to get away without the children? By taking the children along in your fun activities, you are going to be too busy taking care of their needs and will lose sight of your needs and your partner’s needs. You can still have family time and outings which can bring the whole family closer together; however, you still need to have time alone as a couple so you can make your partner the most important person in your life during that time. Time alone allows couples the opportunity to focus on enjoying each other’s company, giving each other pleasure and growing more intimate. Obviously, children can be a distraction. When you and your partner are engaged in fun and pleasurable activities, you associate those feelings with your partner. This balances out the negative feelings you may have experienced as a result of having to find a solution to a conflict. Enjoying an activity together reassures that you are paying attention to just one person; this helps to make each other a priority and special.
The types of activities you and your partner engage in are not important as long as they bring pleasure and enjoyment as well as fun. These activities can be physical such as skiing, playing tennis, golfing, kayaking, or dancing, or they can be intellectual such as visiting a museum or going to a concert or ballet. Also, it is especially helpful if the time set aside to be with each other is consistent, such as going out to dinner every Friday evening. This gives couples the opportunity to look forward to their time alone and rekindles intimacy.
Couples can begin planning time for each other by making a list of the activities they enjoy doing and that bring them pleasure. They should then share the lists with each other and set up a time to engage in the activities on the lists that both partners enjoy. As they discover new activities, they should let their partner know what these are and make sure they plan the time to engage in them.